Do you believe in soulmates?

Two people in love...
There's something undeniable about the chemistry, the way they are affected by one another.  It's the most longed for human experience.  It's the most envied, the most criticized.  And the most questioned. 

Are they soulmates, or just souls who mate?

Today you can buy your soulmate kit to find your soulmate at your local bookstore.  There are books on soulmates, classes you can take, teachers to can subscribe to, websites to visit.  But are soulmates becoming a new age marketing campaign?  Can you be complete in this life without one?  Are they the Louis Vuitton luggage of new age acheivement?

I've swung back and forth like a pendulum on this whole issue.  Sometimes I want to puke.  Sometimes I want to believe.  I'm in an unusual circumstance, though, which is that my mother and stepfather are truly soulmates, and they have written books on love, like: The Love You Deserve.  They host a regular show on Sirius satellite called Love Talk, and they teach people how to find their soulmate.

It's all a bit like elbow tag to me.  Oh, come on.  You remember elbow tag.  Everyone pairs off.  They stand, linked at the elbow.  One person is free, being chased by another free person.  The chaser chases the chasee around the whole field until either
A.  They tag the person and the two switch places and now the chaser is the chasee,
or
B.  The chasee hooks elbows with someone who is already hooked.  (Think Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie).  Wherein, if you hook elbows with someone already hooked, the person they were hooked to is now (obviously) the freebird, the one being chased, the one alone in the world, unhooked.  And it perpetuates itself. 
So will you be soulmates throughout the game, or just temporary partners... how can you tell?

It's kind of a lot of pressure, isn't it?  You meet someone and think, is this it?  Is this "The One"?  And where in the midst of all that asking is there room for real relating?
When you ask my mother and my stepfather about how they felt when they met, my stepfather will say, "I knew immediately she was the one."

That's what Vanessa Paradis says about Johnny Depp in the video, and he says the same about her in other interviews.  But they never use the word "Soulmate", only lover or best friend.  Kinda lowers the pressure gauge for the rest of us.  Thanks, guys.
Yet, when I go out with a man, and I swoon a little and think maybe he could be the one for me, (none of them have been yet... I've only proven to myself how well I can hallucinate.) my mother always says with a stern voice "Go slowly, please."  It's the same voice she used to use when I was little and I was supposed to finish a chore, "Fold your clothes, please."  Yes, her husband knew with one glance she was the one, and they teach seminars on the whole subject.  But me?  I'm the black sheep of soulmates.

You can't blame her.  She's actually going easy on me.  My dating history reads like something off David Letterman's guestlist on a slow night.  I've dated one aspiring egyptologist, one failed rockstar, one magician, one drug dealer, one boy still living at home at the age of 30, one fitness junkie, and one narcissistic rich and successful stand-up comedian (who doesn't really count because no one got laid), oh and the stalker, that was fun, how could I forget him?  90% of my relationships have happened only in my mind, and the 10% that happened in reality involved police, a miscarriage, other women, unwanted STDs (like there's any other kind), an abrupt loss of income (mine), and a missing iguana (his).

If I was my mother I would have a heart attack every time my daughter said the words, "I've got a date." 

And yet, I have dreams of love.  Don't we all?  And not just love, but actual real relating.  Heck, I'd settle for a fight or two if it meant my bed was warm.  But the whole soulmate thing?
How can you meet somone and size that up?

My father would know.  He's 81 years old, and he just met the love of his life.  She's 60.  It's less of an age split than his last girlfriend, actually (who was 40, and looked like Will Smith's wife).  But now, he giggles in bed with his love and they nibble off of each other's plates and he smiles when he talks about her.  I don't think my father has ever been in love like this before.  And he's 81.  Soulmates?  I think so.  Absolutely.  It's really sweet.  His fifth wedding will come before my first.  Way to go, Daddio.

So, I've realized that I can easily say it for other people, but for myself it's like saying I expect to find a pink polar bear in my thermos.  Kia and Tommy?  --Soulmates.  Mom and Scott?  -soulmates.  Diane and Jack?  --Soulmates.  Vanessa and Johnny?  --soulmates.  Heck, I even say it about Angelina and Brad.  But me?

I'm the girl who's cried "soulmate".  Every guy I fall in love with I manage to think is my soulmate for at least a month or two.  Then reality sets in, and I'm getting a restraining order against him. OK, not all that bad.  But for chrissakes, I meditate every day, practice yoga, read all the new age relationship books, worship at Agape, say my mantra, watch the Secret 9 million times so...

We're a culture gone totally insane.  We have soulmate-itis.  You tell me.

What do you feel when you see a couple in love, holding hands?  Are you nauseous, or do you smile to yourself?  Do you look away, or do you keep looking?  Do you think, "soulmates", or do you think, "she's probably fucking his brother up the ass with a twelve inch dildo...  bitch."?

When it comes to soulmates, where do we draw the line?  People used to just fall in love.  They got married.  They had kids.  But now with the whole soulmate pressure, who has the courage to fall in love with your spiritual destiny on the line?

As for me, I'm on the fence.  Soulmates, God bless 'em, may the whole frigging world fall in love, you know?  Isn't that what we all want?  Would it make us happy?

I posted the video of Vanessa, because I actually found it really moving.  They have been together 6 years, have 2 gorgeous children, and speak about each other with deep, deep love in their eyes. 

"How do you know when he's the one?"  the interviewer asks.
"He's your best friend, and your lover."  She says.

Hmmm... no soulmate clause there.  Maybe she needs to do more downward facing dog, or up her wheatgrass intake, or say more "Namyho ho Rengekyo".

OK, seriously, I have a girlfriend who chanted "Namyho ho Rengekyo" every day for 6 months to meet her soulmate, and sure enough... Poof!  The soul mate genii granted her wish and he appeared.  And after dating for a year, they just announced their engagement.  If anyone asks her how to meet their soulmate, yup, she gives them the chant.

I want to puke.
But is that just my past live skepticism, my accumulated karma, my need to think positive and hook in to the great power of attraction at work in our lives all the time?  Ok, so she chanted for 6 months a half an hour a day and basically ordered a soulmate off God's menu.

How come when i try that I get a stalker?  What angel thinks this is so flipping hilarious?  I put in an order for soulmate, do my morning meditation with religious fervor, and he's giggling like, "let's send her the x-con."  Won't that be a laugh?  And God's like, ya, do it, do it.  Like a couple of kids hocking water balloons over the neighbors fence.

At this point, I'm like, deal me out, boys.  I have great cats, an amazing apartment on the water, a job that inspires me, and a body that I love.  Maybe I should quit while I'm ahead.

Soulmates...

reality, or new age torture device?

KVZ