"I'm not sure Gandhi would consider lap dancing civil disobedience."  -Anderson Cooper

I went to visit my high school English teacher today, Mary Redclay, at Palisades High School in southern California.  She was a pivotal influence in my life during my sophomore year eighteen years ago.  And her classroom hasn't changed a bit.  Pictures of Nelson Mandela and Gandhi are on the walls next to bumper stickers that say things like "Question Authority".

Over the course of her lunch break, our discussion went from recent films we had seen like Lagaan, and God Grew Tired of Us, and Sleeping with the Enemy, to the changing dynamic of American literature today.  How we are leaving grammar in the dust in favor of poetic lryicism.

But the thing that struck me deepest was our discussion about teenage girls today, and their incredible unempowerment.  I was again railing on the weak and unsophisticated main character of "Twilight", and how she always needs to be rescued by the man in her life who is a Stanford grad, hot, star athlete, and classical composer.  And Mary pointed out how exemplary of our culture it is that every teenage girl relates to this unempowered female.

Mary said, "In my day we were fighting so that the doctors wouldn't shave our pubic hair before we gave birth.  Now the girls shave their pubic hair to match their panty lines."

I said, "Now, I'm not a feminist, but I really feel that things are swinging the wrong direction here."

"Of course you are a feminist," she said. 

"No, I'm not.  I love men."

"Oh that's just a publicity rap that the media spun on femininsts, focusing on the man-haters.  You are a feminist.  You've always been a feminist."

Really?  Can I claim that?  A teacher who has known me since I was fifteen said I was always a feminist.  Have I been that divorced from such an important identity trait that I never realized it before?

But it's not about me.  It's about the unseen unequality that is re-surfacing in the young people.  History is repeating itself.  These young girls are giving guys blow jobs right and left, but the guys aren't returning the favor.  The men are back on top.  Literally.

Why are the girls in America lacking from such poor self-esteem?

That's my question.

I only know my story.  I didn't want to play guitar, I wanted to be in love with a guitar player.  I didn't want to paint, I wanted to be in love with a painter.  I repeatedly found artistic men to love, projecting onto them my entire creative impulse and then falling in love with it in them.

My muse is not easy.  He's furious.  His power of voice is not some pretty Greek lady in diaphanous gowns speaking perfect Attic Greek.  He pounds me like an angry ocean on the high bluffs.  And oh, it is beautiful.  But certainly not easy.  I had to turn my back on the fantasy of love in order to find myself.  To practice my own art.  And then to learn what love means.

Where are the women these girls can look up to?  The women with a relationship to their own souls.  It ain't Paris HIlton.

I want to be a role model for them; a woman with a relationship to her own soul.  A woman who has made endless sacrfices for her dreams, her art, her passion.  This life doesn't just hand you anything.  You must cultivate your craft.  You must dedicate time, energy, passion, drive, service, study, and massive commitment energy to it.  And then wait, and practice, and wait, and practice.

That's important.  In fact, practice is the single MOST important aspect of life that I know.  You must practice anything to become fluent in it.  The self-discipline of practice is th sum of my 33 years to date.

I am a feminist.  I am for women in power.  But I am not for women in power mimicking men.  True feminine power comes from truth, love of people, culture, family, and self, as well as love of beauty, art, communication, and care for the down-trodden.

What is happening to our teenage girls that they have lost their power?
I'm so deeply concerned about this.  Where to begin to create the change.  My sermons are stories.  I pray with a pen in hand.  That by example we may turn and go another way.......

A few years ago, someone asked me if I had to go to prison for one year, and I could only bring three things, what would they be.  After much deliberation, I came down to:

Well, I thought I'd tried it all..... and now, ten years after beginning my search to cure my health problems, I have found my miracle.

Dear Mrs. Meyer,

I always feel disappointed when I encounter two dimensional characters in fiction.  I can see the writer's lack of awareness immediately.  A character, when fully formed, simply resonates.  Like a fine wine, the more layers, the more intricacies of interacting subtleties, the better.  That's not to say every character should be complex, yet even the most simple characters will benefit from the following technique.

So........  

I learned something new this year......

My friend, there is something I have found that means more to me than anything else in this world.

Do you have any friends that you have met in books?